Would You Say That to a Friend?

Listen to how you talk to yourself after a mistake — "you're so stupid, you always ruin everything." Now imagine saying that exact sentence to a friend who just messed up the same way; you wouldn't, because it's cruel and it wouldn't help them do better.

The next time your inner voice turns vicious, pause and translate it into what you'd actually say to someone you care about. That's a more accurate way to talk to a person who is trying — which is exactly what you are.