"I Disagree" and "I Don't Understand" Feel the Same but Aren't

Before arguing, check: is the discomfort coming from a genuine difference in values, or from not yet grasping the other person's point? These two feelings are surprisingly easy to confuse. One requires debate; the other requires questions. If you skip the questions and go straight to debate, you might be arguing against a position the other person doesn't actually hold. A simple "Can you help me understand what you mean?" can save hours of unnecessary conflict.